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[Zephon]

"What's a tidbit?"  "I don't know, but I know of a calf that got the tar kicked out of it for doing it."  Old Toby Show line, just for you, Junior.

Tonight in the Echo Show, Jae had a young girl (sophomore in HS) up on stage for the "Talk Like A Hillbilly" bit.  Two contestants are supposed to use a given word in a sentence like a hillbilly would use it.  The word was "starch," and he's looking for something like "Gentlemen, starch-ur engines."  So... Jae was pronouncing it "star-r-r-r-r-r-ch," like the sound of an engine starting.  Jae did this several times, and then the girl innocently looked up at him and said "Can you give me a hint?"  The audience roared, I roared, Jae started laughing, dropped the mic, had to wipe the tears from his eyes, even the other contestant was dying.  The poor girl never had a clue.  Maybe you had to be there, but it was darn funny.

I'm sure you guys, especially you teachers, have some funny tidbits to relate.  There's probably a similar thread around here somewhere, but what the heck.  Whatcha got?

[History Buff]

Here's a memorable note received from a parent sometime in the past:

    To whom it may concern.

    __________ was vomitting yesterday...Please excuse his abstinence.  If you have any questions you may call...

    Thank you.

I guess the kid eventually started drinking again.

[Junior]

I always loved the line in the train robbery sketch where the conductor asked the Bowlin boys to call their mother from the train...one of the Bowlins always called out "Maaaaaaaaaawwww!" as a calf bawls for it's mother!
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Always loved the line from the scales sketch at the diving bell where Junior says as he points to a picture of the diving bell, "this here's what we're all gonna go drown in. AH! I mean go down in! We put 75 to 80 volunteers inside one of these things and then we all begin to stink. AH! I mean SINK!"
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Also, at the end of the diving bell ride portion, the diving bell is wrecked and as Junior opens up the exit door, he grabs a life ring and shouts "Abandon Ship, abandon ship! Women and "Juniors" first!"
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Gosh, the entire Courthouse Theater Show with Dan Embry as Melvin the Chicken Thief and Wayne Milnes as the judge was hiliarious! I wish the park would print scripts to these old shows and sell them in the Hospitality House.
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D.A Calloway, now a big manager at the park, once was one of the important entertainers. He had a little piano playing, singing gig he did with jokes...one of his novelty songs was pretty funny, but as you read the lyrics, you will see why in these days of political correctness, it probably could not be performed on park today. Here are the lyrics as I remember them:     "If you hurt me, I will kill you, if you break my heart, I will bust  your head. If I can't have you darling, I'd rather kill you and see you dead!"

[History Buff]

We were at Fantastic Caverns for a field trip.  After emerging from the cavern, we (my fourth grade class) had to eat in the gift shop building due to inclement weather.  One of my students brought a pucca shell necklace to me and said she found it.  I told her to go to the counter at the gift shop and turn it in.  When she returned, she still had the necklace.  Thinking the guy must have given it to her for her honesty, I asked the student why she still had the necklace.  She looked at me and said, "I found it in our classroom before we came to the cave."

[Zephon]

That was written by DA hisself.

Just A Little Jealous

You told me that you wanted to go steady
So I let you wear my ole class ring
You hocked it the next day to buy a present
For another man and that is why I sing

If you hurt me, I will kill you
If you break my heart, I will bust your head
Cause I love you so much darlin
If I can't have you I'd rather see you dead

If you loved me like I love you
You wouldn't ever want to see me cry
But you're lovin everyone and I can't stand it
If you do it one more time you'll have to die

I always wanted to go on the Johnny Carson show when they had the bit "Stump the Band" and sing that song.

[Zephon]

That's a good one, HB.

Hey Junior, have you ever asked a woman if she's ever been "confronted?"

During the crafts festival, there used to be a big wheel that was hand turned and connect via a belt to a lathe, it may still be used, not sure.  One day a bunch of us street characters tied Sarie Ellen (Teresa Ayers) to that wheel, spread eagled, and took turns turning it for about 15 or 20 minutes.  Yah, kinda mean, but fun too.

[Junior]

Confronted? Zephon, Copper, Steamfreak...the line we used was, "Have you ever been to Egypt?" (Whoops! I probably should not have posted this, we could be traveling down a path we should not!) No more comments on this subject! Ha!

[Junior]

Thanks for posting the lyrics to D.A.'s song...I always thought it was clever. He and Greg Becker had a little act they did in off season in Springfield bars called "The Smith Brothers" that I understand was very good. I'd heard lots of good things about it. And, I'm like you, I wish I could have done the stump the band thing, too with Carson. How about this one we used at the diving bell:

                              She was my wildwood flower,
                              she was skinny she was tall.
                              If it wasn't for her Adam's Apple,
                              she'd have no shape at all!
                              I can still see her there sittin' underneith the trees,
                              tiein' knots in her stockings so it would look like she had knees!

                              or this diving bell classic:

                              Noel, Noel, Noel, Noel,
                              we ain't got no water 'cause we ain't got no well!

Yeah, this stuff got massive laughs, believe it or not...in the old days when MTV still played videos...like Duran Duran, Flock of Seagulls, and yes, Michael Jackson!